Importing Household Goods : H U G E : Part 2 of 3

::I have always, essentially, been waiting. Waiting to become something else, waiting to be that person I always thought I was on the verge of becoming, waiting for that life I thought I would have. In my head, I was always one step away. In high school, I was biding my time until I could become the college version of myself, the one my mind could see so clearly. In college, the post-college “adult” person was always looming in front of me, smarter, stronger, more organized. Then the married person, then the person I’d become when we have kids. For twenty years, literally, I have waited to become the thin version of myself, because that’s when life will really begin. And through all that waiting, here I am. My life is passing, day by day, and I am waiting for it to start. I am waiting for that time, that person, that event when my life will finally begin.:: - Shauna Nieguist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

This is 2:3 in the series.  Part 1 : Part 3

I'm a big believer in creating the life you want.  Only issue is that I am more practiced at guiding others through that process.  When I began the dismantling aspect of this journey, I also implemented some rigid rules for myself.  The first rule grew out of using the Four Agreements as a guide for increasing resiliency.  I've described the method I used in Power of Words : Affirming Intention.  As much as I can, I make every effort to avoid gossip, and that includes gossiping about myself.  It isn't necessary to share every trauma inducing aspect of your life to connect with another human being.  There are at least two head-on collisions that will result from this: You will be judged, making you feel like crap, and you will be colluding with people who may not be healthy.  


For at least the first six months of living abroad, I broke all of my own rules.  Nothing was stable and there was no context for stability.  Even though I had visited my beach village half a dozen times, I had no connections.  Everyday I considered packing up my car and driving back to Austin.  Knowing this was not unusual for a newly landed expatriate, I asked my friends back home to support my efforts in three month increments.  


The biggest shift came when I bought my house.  I was going to have stability, and over the next six months, I established strong connections with some very loving people.  Research has shown that having at least one major relationship in your life will bring you into healthy alignment.  Considering that the stress of moving abroad has been likened to the death of a spouse, I'd say grab as many friends as you can.  The support is important for all of you.  


Back to the HUGE aspect of my journey.  During the year I was forced to wait, I lost a major relationship, was in a complex legal battle, and continued to counsel middle and high school students with high levels of trauma.  The up-side is that I had one more year with my children and friends, time to process what I was doing, and grieve my lovely home for the next few months.  

Just after the house sold, I discovered that I had some major health issues.  It may seem counter-intuitive to walk away from a job with decent health insurance when one is facing serious medical concerns.  Staying in Austin was not an option.  I knew that I would not be able to break the patterns that were sustaining disease there.  With faith folded into a neat package and  packed into my back pocket, I drove into Mexico in ignorant bliss.  

"My will be damned" is how I refer to those years before I actually moved abroad.  No matter what I did, I was making no forward movement towards the life that was waiting for me.  I was forced to realize that every moment was, instead an important step towards actualizing this dream of myself.  Now, in Mexico, when something is requiring too much effort, I sit back and accept that it probably isn't meant to be part of my destiny.  If I'm uncertain, I have that small expatriate tribe to call upon.  "My blessed life" has fully returned.


So, did I will my allotted household goods into Mexico or was it a smooth transaction?  Next installment in 24 hours!

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